maybe i'm to be blamed or maybe we are the same?

The most important things are the hardest to say.

what about now?

no one said it was easy to let go of someone whom you really love. i can't be selfish myself. the only way to see you happy is to suffer this pain and let you go. well i'm not trying to make a big fuss on how hurt i am, im just expressing what i feel here. i have never wanted this to happen. i do miss how you held my hand, i miss how you randomly kiss my cheeks, how you stared at me. i miss playing ps3 with you, i miss wrestling with you. remember we used to say that we wanted to go star gazing together where i can fall asleep in your arms? remember when we made plans on going hiking together? remember that you said you won't leave me again? do you even remember all that? i doubt so.

 i've always have this urge to just text you, telling you how much i miss you but this question will always pop out, "why do i even bother texting you when i know myself that you ain't coming back cos you're still hoping for your ex?" i don't really see the reason why i should keep trying when i know that i don't stand a chance. no matter how many times i tell myself to "just get it over and done with, ashil doesn't want you" i kept coming back, hoping. well i know where i stand, i've known you only for 6 months while your ex? almost 2 years i guess? i can't deny the fact that she's pretty and to top it all, she is kind. eventhough i don't really know her but by seeing her tweets, reading her post, i can say that she's a nice girl. 

here it goes again, my low self-esteem.

i won't be in a relationship unless someone comes along and shows me why i should.