what about now?

no one said it was easy to let go of someone whom you really love. i can't be selfish myself. the only way to see you happy is to suffer this pain and let you go. well i'm not trying to make a big fuss on how hurt i am, im just expressing what i feel here. i have never wanted this to happen. i do miss how you held my hand, i miss how you randomly kiss my cheeks, how you stared at me. i miss playing ps3 with you, i miss wrestling with you. remember we used to say that we wanted to go star gazing together where i can fall asleep in your arms? remember when we made plans on going hiking together? remember that you said you won't leave me again? do you even remember all that? i doubt so.

 i've always have this urge to just text you, telling you how much i miss you but this question will always pop out, "why do i even bother texting you when i know myself that you ain't coming back cos you're still hoping for your ex?" i don't really see the reason why i should keep trying when i know that i don't stand a chance. no matter how many times i tell myself to "just get it over and done with, ashil doesn't want you" i kept coming back, hoping. well i know where i stand, i've known you only for 6 months while your ex? almost 2 years i guess? i can't deny the fact that she's pretty and to top it all, she is kind. eventhough i don't really know her but by seeing her tweets, reading her post, i can say that she's a nice girl. 

here it goes again, my low self-esteem.

i won't be in a relationship unless someone comes along and shows me why i should.