today? hah, what about today? all i can say is that today wasn't my day. wasn't Niz Safa Ezza's day. First thing, i lost my favourite mascara so i had to use mum's. secondly, the hairdryer spoilt. thirdly, i was late. i was supposed to meet phir @ Dhouby ghaut at 3 but i boarded the train at 3. I promised phir that i'll be going to his gig at Emily hill. phir told me that he wanted to wait for me at dhoby but since i was late he said that 3:30 was the max cos he has to be early for the performance. so i had to understand and decided not to trouble him. therefore, the first thing i reach dhoby is i open my map app at iphone despite the fact that i know i can't read a map. so i tried finding my way to emily hill and eventually i got lost in some construction sites. at that time, i fucking feel so useless la sia god damn it. so i walked back and keep following the map. i freaking walked at the wrong place and had to turn a big round. then finally i reach the Peace mall ah phir said its near thr. so i walk and walk sial it was damn hot. and again, i walked at the wrong road. i walked till the end and had to make a big round again and finally, yes finally i saw the place. but at that time phir called me and asked me where am i but at that time i was pissed at him so i show attitude ah. there's a reason why i pissed off what. 1) he's not fetching me because i was late (my fault) 2) he said that his gig starts abit later so why not meet me halfway and don't expect me to find my own way. (partially his fault) 3) i was infront of the gate and there he goes, throwing his tantrums at me. so i was pissed, disappointed, not angry but sad. i wasn't thinking properly, so i replied him something that pissed him and i turn around and walk back.

what the hell lah want angry angry like this you don't need to see me perform uh

at that moment when he texted me that, i was at the gate already. then i was like, " sial lah aku dah sampai then you say like this. just appreciate me and see the effort i put in ah. dont just scold anyhow" i couldn't help myself so i had to let it all out. yes, i did cried. i sat somewhere near the emily hill's park and just cry..........fucking hell it hurts like fuck. i was expecting him to come fetch me at the gate or something but........hah. i cried all the way and i couldnt help it so i called Farah and just let it all out.

then i ask myself why the fuck am i crying like a retard when he's inside there having fun? so i decided to sit somewhere, somewhere i can chill. i sat at the Pomo mall (issit?) from 5pm onwards. i remembered that he once told me that the gig finishes at 7 so i waited till 7. i wanted to wait for him lah kirekan like apology like that but he didnt show up. so i texted him.

at the gig place la. i thought i'm a waste of your time what. don't need waste time meet me.

i burst into tears lah sia when he fucking said that. this isnt seeking attention or whatsoever but i fucking cried in public and i've never done this before. so now tell me how fucking special you are to me sia. i've never cried this bad before in my entire life for a guy, who's not even my boyfriend! how fucking special you are!

oh come on just appreciate me. just understand me. i didn't want any of this to happen also. it wasn't purposely. at least i put an effort to fucking figure out the place and all.  if i didn't care, and if those words i said to you was really true, i wouldn't have waited for you and expecting to meet you halfway or something!

and you must be wondering is it true i waited for you since 5pm. hah i fucking swear to god i did waited for you since 5pm to 8.30pm.
ya lah ok it's my fault to be late. it was my fault to show you attitude.

you are disappointed with my actions but i'm more disappointed with your attitude.