i..........i am just a useless bitch who can never be happy can never be special in someone's eyes can never be appreciated by someone. why, why did you have to think about your past? why are you telling me about the things you did with your ex? why?

if she's the best you can ever have then why did you guys break up? if you think she is the one, then why not go back to her? if you're still thinking about your past, then why not let me go?

don't because of your past, you are scared to be in another. that's not moving on. you guys hate it when we girls say that all guys are the same but have you ever thought about what we girls felt all this while? to whatever reasons you broke up with her, don't make the reason the cause of you not trusting me okay. not all the girls are same. key word: not all.

you told me that when you're in a relationship, it has always been you giving in, being serious etc. so tell me now, what makes you think i'm not gonna be serious with any of this? i'm not what you think i am okay. you've got alot to know about me, about my past, what i've been thru, what my ex(s) did to me.

"i like you niz, but my past is holding me back. i just don't want shit to repeat"

those words..........ergh. you don't know how hurt i am now.
so what is this supposed to mean? i don't know what else to say, what else to do. i just don't know how to react. it somehow felt like someone stabbing me. i felt pain inside. this may sound creepy, but i fucking feel it. its hurting. but whatever decisions you make, i have to respect even if it's gonna hurt. for now, i'll just put it aside and force myself not fall even harder for you. i'm gonna keep calm and let my heart rest. i'm gonna act as if nothing happened. so.........hi.




phir.








yest's spincity was the best so far because i've been staring at this sexy chick's dance. she's a one fucking hottie, i swear. her boobs literally when up and down when she danced. hahahahha feel gila babi siak stare dia but sadly, she's my ex's gf. hahahahah say what? lol. it was superb yest. we were sweating macam babi siak. i got blisters on my foot and cramps all over my body. haha but it was a good thing tho because can lose weight siol.  next upcoming event ah sia, powerhouse maybe?
eh buto tapi semalam punye butch carik pasal. sial punye anjing.